Allows Users to Call Friends & Actually Speak to Them

SILICON VALLEY (The Borowitz Report) — A new social network is about to alter the playing field of the social media world, and it’s called “PhoneBook”.

According to its creators, who invented the network in their dorm room at Berkeley, PhoneBook is the game-changer that will leave FaceBook, Twitter [ and all lesser players including ] Google Buzz in a cloud of dust.

“With PhoneBook, you have a book that has a list of all your friends in any city, plus everyone else who lives there,” says Danny Fruber, one of PhoneBook’s creators.  “When you want to chat with a friend, you look them up in PhoneBook, and find their unique PhoneBook number,” Fruber explains.  “Then, you enter that number into your phone, and it connects you directly to them!”

Another breakout utility of PhoneBook allows the user to arrange actual face-to-face meetings with his or her friends at restaurants, bars, and other “places”, as Fruber calls them.  “You will be sitting right across from your friend and seeing them in 3-D,” he said.  “It’s like Skype, only without the headset.”

PhoneBook will enable friends to play many games as well, such as charades, cards, and a game Fruber believes will be a breakout:  Farm.  “In Farm, you have an actual farm where you raise real crops and livestock,” he says.  “It’s hard work, but it’s more fun than Mafia, where you actually get killed.”

Best of all, PhoneBook users do not have to worry about the new government initiatives ( ) to allow the ATF/CIA/DEA/DHS/DIA/FBI/FCC/ICE/IRS/NSA/SEC/SSA/TSA/[your TLA here] to wiretap Internet traffic.  “Our government has had easy access to most telephone conversations in America for years, and almost unfettered access to all of them since the passage of the Patriot Act,” Fruber assured us.  “So PhoneBook users can rest assured they will face no new invasions of their privacy.”

Source [for the most part]:


This is satire conveying an important message brought to you by Bruce Arnold … record-holding long distance motorcycle rider … bikers’ rights activist and proud member of The 100 … political agitator targeting social injustice and piercing the veil of our two-puppet system to expose the institutionalized greed of the Kleptocracy pulling all strings Left and Right … like Thomas Jefferson, an aficionado of ethnic aesthetic and a philosophical anarchist who accepts the State as a necessary evil under which the best government is less government.  Follow Bruce at


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